Thank you for taking that minute to carefully consider and ultimately reject my application for Domino's employment. I admit that my feelings were hurt at first, however I am aware my skills may not be what you're looking for in the competitive, nuanced world of giving up on myself in exchange for minimum wage. It's fair that you threw my aspirations in the toilet so quickly, as I have done that with your food on numerous occasions over the years. As a loyal customer, I have gone through 2 toilet seats in the last 9 months.
I am still trying to get a Google+ invite, so being kept in your database is an exciting thought! It's nice to be part of something for once. I can only imagine who my information is rubbing elbows with in your database. I'm sure, like myself, none of them have criminal records! I bet your database is to optimism what the containment grid was to the Ghostbusters - a place to keep dead things.
In closing, thank you for the CinnaStix pity-fuck coupon. Though I cannot afford them - as I currently do not have the money to buy the requisite pizza - I imagine they would have tasted very lovely and hit the spot. Don't worry, however, I am eating. Late at night, when the trains run less frequent, I bring my homemade bow and arrow set and introduce the tunnel mice, pigeons and rats to their maker, and then I introduced them to my stomach. Add a little hot-sauce and pepper. YUM!
Just thinking of that, maybe I could work in your recipe department. Think it over.
Just thinking of that, maybe I could work in your recipe department. Think it over.
Warmest Regards,
Jeremy Borden
P.S. I am replying to your email even though you said it wouldn't go through. I am hoping that this is a test of how far I am willing to go to get your attention! Don't worry. I will go very far to get your attention...
---AUTOMATED RESPONSE---
Dear ____,
We have received your application for the position of Customer Service Representative - 554 5th Ave- Store 03650-010-03650-CSR.
After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that you have not been selected for this position.
We will retain your information in our database and may inform you of job openings that match your profile if you selected this option.
We thank you for your interest in Domino's Pizza and wish you all the best in your career.
As a thank you for applying, we'd like to offer you a free order of CinnaStix with your next Domino's Pizza online order, click here!
Regards,
Domino's Pizza Selection Team
Replies to this message are undeliverable and will not reach the Human Resources Department. Please do not reply.
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